Death, Loss, Grief
People die. Good people die. Even children die. People we love die. Death can come at the most unexpected time. Death is never fair.
The death of a loved one leaves us devastated and bewildered. Death is a loss of a beloved presence and your expectations. It is a void in your life. A death leaves behind a huge damage. It feels like a chunk of you – or even your identity – is gone.
When death hits home, we can’t help but ask why. And no matter how hard we try to rationalize it, there are no explanations. For us who are used to believing that there are answers to all questions, accepting that reason has limits is tough.
The transition from a person being alive to the same person being dead is a shock in its own right. A person who is alive is one of us. Once the very same person dies, he or she is no longer like us. It is no longer John or Jennifer but a “body”.
It never ceases to amaze me that knowing so little about death, we make such a clear distinction between a person and a “body”. It is telling. Somehow, we know that the dead body of a person is no longer that person. How do we know it?! The body is here, we can see it. Why is it no longer the person we love? What is missing?
Yes, our bodies are “machines” that work and move 24/7. But I can’t imagine that the reason we call someone a “body” is the lack of movement and physiological functions. I refuse to believe that we are so biased toward life that those whose bodies no longer function cease to be human. It HAS TO BE something else.
That “something else” is the unique character and personality of the person. The intangible essence that distinguished him or her from all others.
I said, “intangible”. If you lost someone you love, LISTEN!
The intangible, the immaterial isn’t a physiological function or a physical body part. Do not assume that it is gone. It will always be with you.
The person who passed away and whom you loved so dearly will stay with you all your life. With time the pain you feel right now will fade. You won’t think of the dearly departed with regret but gratitude.
The people we love change us. They leave an impact that doesn’t diminish just because they are gone. You’ll remember the person you lost on his or her birthday, during holidays, in certain places, and at unexpected times. Even a song may bring you a Déjà vu moment. All of these are reminders of the person you miss. He or she will always be a part of you.
I know that there is nothing I can say to lessen your grief. Your loss and pain are valid. But they will become less crushing with time.
Death reminds us of the importance of people.
The person who passed away meant so much to you. Memories alone won’t bring you the comfort and solace you seek. Your home won’t help you heal, either. Another person, someone who listens, someone who cares about you, someone who experienced loss and grief themselves will. Turn for support to someone you trust. They’ll help you process your loss and eventually – when you’re good and ready – rebuild your life.
I’m not suggesting that you replace the person you lost. It can’t be done. There is no other person of the same qualities in the world. Perhaps at some point, you’ll meet someone entirely different who might help you fill some of the void.
I’m saying straight out that no pain is worse than pain unshared. The most destructive reaction to any tragic event is the assumption that the experience is yours alone. Yes, it may feel like it but it isn’t true. There is someone else out there coping with the same experience of loss as you are, right now. Talking about the person you lost and the feelings you’re experiencing relieves some of the pain. Reach out. Living means being connected. You are alive. Connect!
People bring so much to our lives. People and relationships make life worth living. Being actively involved and in regular contact with others is crucial, especially when you are grieving. Life is unpredictable. Appreciate the people in your life and tell them how precious they are to you, often.
Death reminds us also of the value of life. Live because our time is limited. Live to make an impact. Be a person of value. Be memorable. Live in a way that honors and validates the person who is no longer here. Ensure that the person you lost will be remembered.
#Grief #HumanistHolisticChurch #HolisticChurch
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