Nice Vs Good: Right Or Wrong Or Depends
Nice is good. Good is good. Usually, both make the beneficiary and the benefactor feel good. Yet, one is temporary while the other has a lasting effect. One is easy; the other may be difficult.
Pay close attention to this episode, please. I didn’t arrive at this wisdom fast, easily, or damage-free. (I always believed that I am an extraordinarily good person. Unfortunately for me, I realized too late that I used to be just very, very nice. This realization didn’t come to me by accident or via intellect, mind you. I analyzed someone else’s goodness toward me. That goodness wasn’t good for me. It was awfully nice, but not good. I’m still paying the price for mistaking niceness for goodness.)
What are the differences between niceness and goodness?
A great example of niceness, kindness, and generosity is the Secret Santa giving cash with no strings attached to needy Christmas shoppers. The cash gifts bring a lot of joy to those who really need them and spontaneous, heartfelt thanks to Santa. Notice the components of niceness: generosity, kindness, timing, and instant gratification for the giver and recipient. No long-term impact.
An example of goodness could be helping someone get a better job. A nice person would get a friend a better job and walk away. A good person would get a friend a better job and mentor the new hire.
Another example of goodness could be helping someone financially through college. Chances are money will be needed repeatedly. Monitoring academic progress will be a part of the deal. Encouraging your protegee to take money management classes might enter the picture.
Goodness is often a commitment, not a hit-and-run. In the end, the recipient of your goodness may appreciate your help or harbor resentment. Did you make a lasting, positive impact? Did you make someone’s life better? Absolutely! Years from now, your goodness and support will be remembered and most likely appreciated for their intent regardless of the few feathers that may have been ruffled in the process.
Nice gestures make a difference. Depending on their magnitude, they can make someone’s day, week, or even month, better. Eventually, their impact evaporates.
Being nice is easy. The rewards of niceness are immediate.
Being good can be simple and mutually rewarding or a challenge and a commitment. It can be messy. Since goodness isn’t always nice, it can be misinterpreted by the beneficiary. Sometimes, being good requires taking sides or setting conditions. Sometimes, goodness is intrusive. Goodness can be appreciated as well as resented. The greatest reward of goodness is your own knowledge of having improved someone’s life.
I’m not speaking against niceness! Niceness is lovely. But there is a downside to niceness. It can be mistaken for goodness. It can be misleading. On occasion, it can be damaging and dangerous. Analyze niceness given or received: it may have ulterior motifs.
When you feel tempted to do good, ask yourself whether the act you’re contemplating is good or merely nice. Explore your intent: what’s your goal? Do you want to make the person feel good at the moment or make a difference in their life? Ask yourself how the beneficiary will interpret your gesture. Would you be creating expectations, you’re not prepared to fulfill?
Don’t mistake kindness for goodness whether you’re the benefactor or the beneficiary!
Bottom line: both, niceness and goodness can be right PROVIDED niceness comes without ulterior motifs and goodness is delivered with no expectation of recognition.
#NiceVsGood #RightOrWrong #ModernSpirituality #Spirituality #HumanistChurch
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