The Best Human Quality
Hubris is ugly and dangerous. It originates from the sense of righteousness and the belief that one knows better.
Righteousness is – with very few exceptions – relative. What’s right by you may not be right by me.
The problem with knowing better is that there is no absolute knowledge. You may believe that you know something very well but that’s not always the case.
Acting on the assumption that one knows better and is always right doesn’t make one an authority; it shows a degree of ignorance.
Hubris keeps us small, isolated, and confined within the cage of the individual ego we’re bent on protecting. Empathy, the best human quality, is the opposite of hubris.
I don’t aspire to a video or even a slide creation, so I’m sharing a picture that captures the spirit of empathy here. The picture is by the renowned German artist, Gerd Altman.
Take a look, that’s what a mother sees when she’s looking at soldiers. She doesn’t see a country, politics, or a cause, she sees her child in the body of an adult man; a child that the soldier – deep down inside – still is and – for the mother, at least – will always be. The mother doesn’t have to ask how her adult child feels in the midst of a war. She feels it.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary:
Empathy is “the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.”
Well, that’s a rather simplified definition. The empathy I’m referring to includes the ability to notice and share the feelings of another so profoundly that one is actually compelled to take action.
There is a distinct difference between being compassionate, charitable, and empathetic. Compassion and charity come with an established power differential that makes the benefactor superior and the beneficiary inferior. Empathy doesn’t make this distinction. Empathy says: your pain is the same to me as my pain.
Empathy requires transcending your ego and taking on the ego of the person who suffers. Because empathy isn’t a pity, it’s extending the defenses of your own ego to include the other.
Empathy compels you to be greater than you are.
Empathy can be humbling because:
in the words of Leslie Jamison: “Empathy requires knowing that you know nothing.” (The “nothing” in this context refers to the circumstances of another.)
Empathy is enlightening:
“Empathy is a special way of coming to know another and yourself.” Carl R. Rogers
Empathy raises awareness: we are all human, the misfortune someone experiences today could have been – under different circumstances – yours.
Empathy teaches gratitude: since you are not the one who suffers right now, you can see and appreciate all the good in your life better.
In a way, acts of empathy benefit both the benefactor and the beneficiary.
Sharing the experience of another is the essence of empathy. Not judging, not guessing, not criticizing, but feeling what the other is experiencing and responding like you would to a beloved family member.
To paraphrase Barbara Kingsolver: Empathy is the capacity to understand that someone else’s pain is as meaningful as your own.
We’ve all seen on TV a car crash in which the driver was trapped in a vehicle about to explode. We’ve also seen a bunch of total strangers jumping to the rescue of the driver with no regard for their own safety. Did you wonder why? For a moment in time, the driver whose life was at risk and his rescuers shared solidarity normally reserved for family members, only. Empathy is both, contagious and unifying.
“There’s nothing that inspires that deep sense of belonging like shared empathy!” Brene Brown
Empathy is the best human quality. Being empathetic makes you better, stronger, and wiser. It connects you to others and affirms your humaneness.
The most empathetic people are those who experienced hardship, pain, or loss themselves. They’ve been there; they understand. But you don’t have to wait until life humbles you. (We are all familiar with some degree of pain or discomfort.)
Practice empathy toward people, animals, the natural environment, and: don’t forget yourself.
Stop judging, criticizing, and nagging yourself. Everybody deserves some empathy and positive reinforcement. You, too.
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