When The World Gangs Up On You: Focus On Your Power
Life being as it is, it happens that events and/or people get to us. Sometimes, it feels as if the world gangs up on us. It’s never the case, but the feelings we experience are valid, nevertheless.
Just a few days ago, I became irritated with my cable company. (Incidentally, if you’re thinking to start a failproof business, a cable company is a safe bet. I calculated how much I paid – over time! – to my cable company for my cable modem lease, alone. The modem is worth around $35; the outdated model I have is most likely worthless. The cable company charged me $2,500 in lease fees so far…) Situations like this make us feel angry, resentful, lost, and helpless. Of course, my example of the cable company is trivial and only one of the thousands of possible case scenarios that occasionally make our blood boil.
The best cure for just such occasions is to focus on your power. No, I’m no match for the cable company but it doesn’t mean that I’m entirely defenseless, either.
Don’t dwell on the problem! Don’t discuss it with your friends for days on end. Either will make the problem the focus of your attention.
Take my example. Yes, the cable company did me wrong. Yes, it’s a rip-off. Yes, the cable company has way more power than I do. If I dwelled on it or discussed it for a long time, the problem would have appeared much bigger.
Focus on yourself and your power, instead. How to find your power when you feel upset, wronged, taken advantage of, and the like?
• When the world has done you wrong: first, be nice to yourself!
• Do something that comforts your body: take a long warm bath; eat something you love; wear something that makes you feel good
• Do something that comforts your emotions: listen to music that makes you feel good; play with your pet; take a walk; look at a photo album to refresh your favorite memories
• If there is no time for being nice to yourself or if being nice to yourself didn’t bring you relief, watch a stupid/funny video. It may sound dumb but the kind of laugh that comes from watching mindless, funny stuff breaks up stress.
Once you’ve got control over the feeling of being ganged up on, it’s time to find your power.
Think of the things you CAN do to overcome the situation that robbed you of your comfort.
It may be little. It may be imperfect. But there is always something you can do.
Once you take action that makes a difference in the upsetting situation, relax. You didn’t collapse. You didn’t surrender. You took action. You made a statement. You succeeded.
Life isn’t about everything or nothing but about negotiating the best outcome possible; the emphasis is on the “possible”.
There are few big victories in life and many tiny ones. The smaller crises are not important in the large scheme of things. What is important and lingers are the feelings you experienced in the aftermath.
If you were passive and accepted someone else’s power over you with resignation, the long-term impact of the event lingers in the form of an “I’ve been beaten” feeling. It arouses feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, and defeat and leaves a bitter aftertaste.
If you reacted, took action, and did something about it, the feeling of succeeding stays with you.
Passivity is often seen as a safe choice. It usually isn’t. It breeds resentment. It lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence. Worse, it could become a self-destructive habit.
No matter what’s the crisis, remember who is the boss. It’s your life and every action of yours affects not only the larger power differential but your feelings about yourself.
You are the boss when you choose what you’re eating. You are the boss when it comes to the quality of your relationships. You are the boss when it comes to unexpected problems. Facing and handling problems is ultimately empowering.
What did I do about my cable company problem? I’m glad you asked. I replaced all my leased equipment with my own and cut my cable bill in half. Is it the perfect outcome? No, I would have preferred if the company were investigated; refunded my money, and lost its monopoly status in my area. (I don’t have a choice of switching providers; the cable company in question is the only one here.) Still, I feel much better knowing that I significantly limited the cable company’s ability to scam me any further.
Crap happens and there is no way to prevent it. But if you approach problems with the mindset “I can handle it” you expand your power while limiting the power of your oppressors. Believe me, you can. Even a small win is a win that paves the road to bigger wins. Even small wins are empowering.
Don’t focus on a problem. Focus on your power to handle it.
Find your power, exercise it appropriately, and then resume living not only free of anger but with renewed confidence in your abilities.
Every problem presents you with the opportunity to affirm your power. Use it!
#FocusOnYourPower #YouAreTheBoss #HumanistChurch #HolisticChurch #HumanistHolisticChurch
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